7 Tips for Communicating with Loved Ones with Dementia

*A caregiver gesturing with an older man white arranging blocks.*

When a person develops dementia, conversations and behavior may change in ways you’re not used to. As your loved one changes, here are 7 tips to help adapt how you communicate with them.

1. Slow down, repeat yourself, and rephrase

As dementia progresses, it may take the person longer to process words, sentences, and conversations. Talking slowly and repeating key sentences helps your loved one focus and keep track of the conversation. Rephrasing something into smaller sentences can also help them understand.

2. Facilitate conversations

A dementia diagnosis doesn’t mean a personality change—though dementia might make following and participating a bit difficult, individuals with dementia still love to chat with friends and family. Helping your loved one stay involved in conversations with others keeps them engaged and helps maintain their dignity.

Keeping your loved one included can be as easy as acknowledging what they have to say, and keeping your body language open and inviting. Especially when the conversation is about them, keeping them involved shows respect for the person with dementia. It can also be helpful to talk about familiar topics, such as family, their hobbies, or favorite foods.

3. Set up routines

Time and schedules can be a challenge for people with dementia. Setting up consistent routines can give them a framework on what they can expect to do next, helping them feel more confident in their everyday life.

For example, you might make a morning routine out of brushing your loved one’s teeth, and helping them take their medicine immediately after. Then, every day, brushing your loved one’s teeth cues them to get ready to take their medicine. Simple habits like these create familiarity and help your loved one stay calm and relaxed.

4. Simplify options

While we mentioned keeping a person with dementia involved in conversations and decisions, open-ended questions can cause frustration on everyone’s part. When asking for your loved one’s input, it can be helpful to give them two or three options to choose from, rather than leaving it open-ended.

For example:

Original: “What would you like to eat for lunch?”
Better: “For lunch, would you like pasta or a tuna sandwich?”

Simplifying questions down to a few options helps your loved one focus and come to a decision sooner.

5. Validate and redirect

As a loved one’s dementia progresses, they may have misconceptions, think they’re in the past, or misremember certain facts. What should a caregiver do in these situations?

As one caregiver succinctly says, “my mother may be wrong, but she’s always right.” Avoiding an argument saves stress for both the care recipient and the caregiver.

Instead, validate their feelings and thoughts and redirect them to a different topic. An example that Carolyn Lazaris of the Alzheimer’s Association gives is a sample conversation between an aging mother and her child.

If the mother with dementia says “I have a doctor’s appointment soon”:

Stressful response: “No you don’t, don’t you remember? I already told you this.”
Validating and redirecting response: “Okay, mom, I’ll check. Let’s go do something else in the meantime.”

Validating response: “I just checked, and the calendar says it’s soon. Let’s go put on our jackets and get ready.”

6. Use preferred names

When guests or family members come visit, they may refer to a person with dementia by pet names such as “honey” or “dear.” This can be upsetting to the person, as it can feel disrespectful to be treated like a child.

Instead, calling a person with dementia by their preferred name shows them the respect and dignity that they deserve.

7. Use sensory communication

A large part of communication is nonverbal. For people whose dementia interferes with speaking and listening, that nonverbal communication becomes crucial. Some nonverbal cues that can help you when speaking to a loved one are:

Maintaining eye contact
Using a gentle tone of voice
Keeping a neutral or positive expression
Minding your body language
Using hand gestures

Vice versa, watching for your loved one’s nonverbal cues can reveal clues about their wants and needs. They might look at something they want, or smile when you mention something they love. With a bit of adjustment, you and your loved one can continue to bond and enjoy each other’s company.